Pathologically Genuine VII: An oxymoron for autistic people like me.
I am lonely. I need to be alone.
This is a refreshingly short post.
I have found there is a weird relationship between loneliness and the sort of introversion that I have as an autistic person. Being able to conceptualize this oxymoron would help someone understand my behavior.
I am lonely. I need to be alone (a lot).
John Gorka wrote a song, Always that captures a piece of that..
I will always be lonely
Nothing’s ever gonna change that
It’s the way that I’m wired
It’s the way that I’m set back
Shawn Mullins captured the way loneliness can feel in his song, Loneliness, I know you too well.
And lonesome, I know you too well
You ring in my ears just like a bell
And your hollow like a dark empty well
Lonesome, I know you too well
As an Audhder, I have what I think of as my autism wanting always wanting longing desperately to be alone most of the time. My ADHD wants some novelty and someone special to share with. And all of me wants to understand other people, so I work as a coach where I can listen and spend time with others in a way that allows me to open space within myself for deep sharing from another person within the IFS modality so that I have a very artisanal and focused path to create a relational field with someone else that has applications for healing. (This is very different from casual relationship which I'm so very bad at that my autism can't make sense of or gets frustrated with...)
My previous reply got cut off. I just wanted to add: I look forward to learning more from you, and let’s keep writing and loving to make the world a better place for all people.