I was shocked out of my naïve trust.. I also recognized that apparently, I wasn’t just misunderstood. I was accused, for the first time, of being crazy. Was I?
This is a powerful story. The narrative and context are strong. I can imagine the scenes and how they played out. The piece that’s missing, for me, is the emotions. What were your feelings? What did it seem like the Chancellor was feeling? I think a bit more on that side would really make it “hit” for me.
@david ford. This is a really helpful comment. Thank you for reading! The funny thing is I don't remember my emotions on that day. As you know, Arkansas was a crazy place, What I remember most is recognizing I couldn't trust people around me. I talked with Joe yesterday and said he vividly remembers me suddenly show profound sadness. I tried to capture that with the body language, cognitive fog without getting to sappy. Anyway, that is a great comment to work on. Thanks!
That makes sense, as the story kind of makes me feel like no one knew exactly what to make of this situation, including yourself. Horrible words that just numbed you … can’t ignore them but how do you even deal with them? Your comfort at getting back home to your dog comes through very clear. I look forward to more …
Thanks, David. I did a tiny change related to your comment. The context for this is that it might be the first chapter of "Pathologically Genuine"- the next chapter would start early in my life when autistic traits started to emerge that I didn't understand.. eventually leading to a transformational diagnosis. I grow as a writer with each revision but it is really hard to know when to just move to the next chapter. I have a great book coach to help. Learning how to write narrative instead of essays has been exhilarating but also really hard for me. And, I love to digress so it has been challenging to read my own work and know when I have stalled narrative drive (e.g., stalled meaning the reader lost interest in continuing...)
Thanks again! I hope you are well. I am doing great. Semi-retirement has been perfect
This is a powerful story. The narrative and context are strong. I can imagine the scenes and how they played out. The piece that’s missing, for me, is the emotions. What were your feelings? What did it seem like the Chancellor was feeling? I think a bit more on that side would really make it “hit” for me.
@david ford. This is a really helpful comment. Thank you for reading! The funny thing is I don't remember my emotions on that day. As you know, Arkansas was a crazy place, What I remember most is recognizing I couldn't trust people around me. I talked with Joe yesterday and said he vividly remembers me suddenly show profound sadness. I tried to capture that with the body language, cognitive fog without getting to sappy. Anyway, that is a great comment to work on. Thanks!
That makes sense, as the story kind of makes me feel like no one knew exactly what to make of this situation, including yourself. Horrible words that just numbed you … can’t ignore them but how do you even deal with them? Your comfort at getting back home to your dog comes through very clear. I look forward to more …
Thanks, David. I did a tiny change related to your comment. The context for this is that it might be the first chapter of "Pathologically Genuine"- the next chapter would start early in my life when autistic traits started to emerge that I didn't understand.. eventually leading to a transformational diagnosis. I grow as a writer with each revision but it is really hard to know when to just move to the next chapter. I have a great book coach to help. Learning how to write narrative instead of essays has been exhilarating but also really hard for me. And, I love to digress so it has been challenging to read my own work and know when I have stalled narrative drive (e.g., stalled meaning the reader lost interest in continuing...)
Thanks again! I hope you are well. I am doing great. Semi-retirement has been perfect